it's that free-falling feel that bores my soul with ecstasy. - 20 something with a dream, heck, too many dreams actually
it’s too long. don’t read!
I don’t know where to start actually. I’ve never been a fluent writer myself. I have all these thoughts just scattering all over the places. Blurry and messy. These thoughts about relationships and how fragile they are and how much of that destiny is set out for each of us is actually true, especially in today society. About the scientific world we’re living in and how far would humanity push the boundary to avoid completion? About ethical issues revolving around new scientific discoveries. I’ve stopped thinking about what lies ahead and what kinds of preparation steps should I be taking? I know what I love and passionate about, at least for the moment but there are all these worries and factors kicking in against me. I know I should feel lucky and I AM grateful but don’t we, as humans, always yearn for something we don’t have? It’s just that bits of jealousy and ‘what if’ could make a whole lot difference and maybe would change who we are too. I wouldn’t be who i am today if all those ‘what-if’s were the case right? yes, i know too well how theories work, they never take practicalities into consideration. I’m tired, there’s literally a pounding in my head. There’s this thing called greed that I believe is too dominant in human nature to ever truly let go. Don’t we all want a fulfilled life at the end of the day? But as much pleasing as that notion might sound, it’s rare to come across since that greed is too big within each of us.
All those times growing up, I’ve been haunted by this single fear of “not good enough” for anything. That’s why I’ve turned out to be a pretty negative nancy; always biting my tongue before saying anything, yet at times I couldn’t resist the urge to let out that flash of unreachable hopes and impeccable wishes to those who are close. And sex too, it’s just an entirely different world we’re living today compared to what kind of lifestyles my grandparents were leading back in the day. yes, i’ve learnt to treat the subject light-heartedly. I mean it’s just sex; and i don’t think anyone in my generation would argue much more than that. Maybe the author of that book i just read is right, it now feels more on the functional end. So what? My heavy American influence has taught me it doesn’t mean half as much as those chick-flick magazines I used to skim all through middle school and high school years described. But truth be told that there are still a big army of people out there still think it’s a big deal. and of course it is as big as you perceive it to be. now that I’ve been living through a few cultural surroundings, i’ve come to appreciate the differences between individuals. To be honest, I’ve just grown indifferent towards the discrepancy in opinions I guess. What’s the point in arguing something both of us hold on to so dearly that we wouldn’t want to let go? You do it your way and I’ll handle it myself. But then again, how irresponsible and neglected does that statement actually sound?
